So, this is why you don’t save jokes.

A month or so ago, I had written a bunch of work jokes written as a way to blow off some steam. Obviously, these are pretty irrelevant now, so I was going through the scripts* seeing if there was anything salvageable. This was the only one that really stood out, so I figured I’d still run it.

What strikes me about this script in particular is that I wrote it down pretty much verbatim. It was like I’d suddenly walked into some sort of office sit-com, and for the span of a few seconds, our timing was comedic, our wit scalpel sharp. And then the moment ended, the flashlight was retrieved, and everyone went back to chatting about projects behind schedule and the latest Oilers game.

So, yes. This is the first and the last of the work jokes for the foreseeable future. I’m good with that. The rest of the jokes were suspiciously Dilbert-esque, and besides – work is boring. There’s far better jokes to be had elsewhere!

* ‘Script’ is a pretty generous term. Some of the ideas are full-fledged scripts, sure, but others are things as arcane and obscure as ‘po-tay-ters’ or ‘that thing on the tomato that one time’. Most of the time, by the time I get around to trying to flesh those out, I’ve completely forgotten what I was originally meaning to write. Sometimes, they die as-is, and sometimes, I find new jokes in them. Sort of like a literary squirrel with a cache of nuts…

Yup. I’m out of a job again. But no big deal. I was already planning on being able to do comics full-time by March, so all this means is that we have to move the timeline up a bit. The timing’s a bit crappy, (who fires someone just before Christmas?? I mean, jeez…) but other than that, I’m actually pretty relieved to be on my own again.

For weeks now, I’ve been gritting my teeth and reciting my mantra, ‘you’ll be your own boss soon, you’ll be your own boss soon,’ just to get through the day, so it’s gonna be super awesome not to have to deal with THAT anymore!! And, I can wear my fuzzy slippers to work ALL I WANT now, which is good, cause it’s still about a billion degrees below zero out there…

So, yeah. Silver linings and all that. When you’ve got a job like making comics to fall back on, everything else just doesn’t really hold up.

* * *

Actually, got another funny moment to share. When my boss told me I was fired, I just looked at him for a minute.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Couldn’t you have fired me on Friday?” I asked.

“No. I make it a policy never to fire anyone on a Friday.” He replied.

“Why the crap not?” I said, indignantly. “That’s the best time to fire someone!! They can leave, take the weekend to drink or rant or whatever, and then get it all out of their system just in time for a fresh start on Monday! I could have been warm and comfy in my bed right now!!”

He apologized. Profusely. If anything good comes from this on their end, I hope that I have at least convinced that guy to rethink his stance on Friday firings.

Well, that’s it. Winter’s officially set in here in Alberta. After an unusually warm November, the seasons seemed to realize that they were falling behind on the job and returned with a vengeance.

We had one heck of a dump of snow on Friday, so much so that it took me 2 hours to get home when it usually takes about 15 mins! The entire city seemed to shut down, with people unwilling to risk roads that had the consistency of oatmeal. And even a quick trip to the store to pick up printer ink turned into an epic winter adventure. Seriously. I could have used snowshoes, fifty feet of rope, and some belaying pins. It was crazy. And today, when the snow slacked off, temperatures decided to plummet to nearly -40.

And so, I ask myself the question I do every year at this time – why do I live here again?? Is close proximity to friends and family worth putting up with an environment that tries to kill me for six months of the year?? There’s cheap flights from Vancouver to visit my family, and they don’t get much snow….

Actually, this comic is a complete lie. When I was twelve, I wasn’t reading abut psychic wolves. I think I was digging my way through the Clan of the Cave Bear series, which really, really ISN’T age appropriate for a twelve year old. (Unless you really want your twelve year old to learn about caveman rape. And hot, consensual, same-species lovin’.) But, I was one of those awkward, precocious readers who got into the book series because I heard that she had a pet cave lion and I was terribly interested in paleontology at the time, and was left wondering why anyone would write something horrible like ‘throbbing manhood’. (I wonder the same thing these days, though for entirely different reasons.)

I also read the Wrinkle in Time series, though I can’t remember how old I was at the time. And the only book series I remember reading that had any sort of animal companions in them at all were the Owl series by Mercedes Lackey, and they get a pass because the bondbirds were all birds of prey. (And the books are still kind of a guilty pleasure of mine because of that fact…)

Anyway. Where was I going with this? I don’t remember. I had a point, but I think it pretty much boils down to the fact that, regardless of how good or bad you personally think the Twilight novels are, that Bella is a shitty role model. Ayla would have totally kicked her ass.

… Usually in public. Often loudly.

I have no idea what the people at the last-night coffee places make of us. With any luck, they just roll their eyes and write us off as “quirky” and “artsy”, and don’t secretly take our pictures just in case the police need any evidence. (I exaggerate slightly – most of our conversation topics are slightly tamer and more gaming-related, though I’m sure statements like ‘And then I grabbed my sword and totally stabbed him!!” raise enough eyebrows as it is…)

This is, however, the last time I try to draw anything after watching a ‘Dexter’ marathon. That last panel totally turned out WAY creepier than I’d intended to, though I suppose I should have expected that from a cutesy drawing of a deranged cannibal… Totally gonna give me nightmares…. I’m sorry guys. Gonna go hide under my bed now.

Hope everyone had a happy Halloween!!! This is the last of my Halloween strips until next year – hope you enjoyed the ‘scary’ story!

This is a (mostly) true story. It seems like every time my buddy Trev and I are on a car trip together, we wind up in some sort of wacky adventure. I’ll tell you the one about the time we’d been awake for 32 hours sometime… Whoo… That was a doozy…

Anyway. In case you were curious, the wedding turned out awesome, and no one got eaten by zombies. (Though we did stuff ourselves silly at the reception afterwards!) Layne wasn’t there for this adventure because he was the best man, and had gone up to the lake days before, in the sunshine, for the rehearsal, thus missing all sorts of fun. He was there for the ride back, which was uneventful, except for a brief series of wrong turns that led us to a gas station with slushies and good directions.

Also, it is my birthday today. Yay, happy birthday, me! I’m gonna go play some Katamari on my shiny new PS3 to celebrate. Whee!!